The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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