I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
