Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
