you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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