I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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