we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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