Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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