you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
