Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
stop calling my apartment porn island.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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