I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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