Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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