Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
