I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
