im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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