I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
