Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize