she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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