apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
