Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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