K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
