nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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