I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
