Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
