so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my being single is dangerous.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
