did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
