So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
