No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i've created a new STD.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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