Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
