How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
