I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
