the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
