She is in my trunk
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
