the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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