I'm so fucking centered right now
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
