i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
