he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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