Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
