6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
