So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
