i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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