So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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