It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
