Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
