I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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