Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
