Having a random hookup so left but love u
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
