Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
