Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
