I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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