Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
