apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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