thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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