Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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