Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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