I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
