dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize