i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize