I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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