Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
