He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This is classic penis vs brain.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
