Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
