I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
