you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
