Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
