Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
