i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
