I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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