Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
