its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
