sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
