it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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