Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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