Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Bring me that man meat
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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