People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
