My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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