You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
