Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We left the knife in your bed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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