Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
