I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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