I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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